NFL Divisional Playoff Round Picks: The Worst That Can Happen

As always, home team is in CAPS.

Baltimore Ravens +3.0 over TENNESSEE TITANS
Upset Special: I expected the Ravens defense to single-handedly defeat the Dolphins last week, and they did. But I didn’t anticipate them to impose their will in such a ferocious, dominating fashion. Baltimore takes their band of purple terror on the road to face a team built in similar fashion (Solid running game, dominating defense, game-managing QB who is only asked not to screw-up).

On paper, Tennessee has the advantage. The experience of Titans veteran QB Kerry Collins seems to trump Rookie QB Joe Flacco’s youthful exuberance, especially after Flacco’s shaky performance against the Dolphins. Flacco will be on the road again, this time in a cooler, more hostile environment. The tealeaves say advantage: Titans.

But… (NFL Divisional Playoff Round Picks continues here)

NFL Wildcard Weekend Picks: Hangover Edition

Happy New Year and Joyous International Hangover Recovery Day to everyone! Listen, I just awoke, having lost most of New Year’s Day, along with huge chunks of my short-term and mid-term memory, to vodka and bourbon, so let’s get right to the picks so I can devote the remainder of my day to locating my cellphone, pants, and dignity.

Atlanta Falcons -1.5 over ARIZONA CARDINALS
I know I’m picking a rookie QB on the road in a high-pressure playoff environment, but I saw everything I needed to see from the intrepid Matt Ryan during week 6. When trailing by one against my Bears, he lofted a perfect pass to his receiver, who got out of bounds in field goal range with one second remaining. (The Falcons then won the game with a field goal on the next play as I pondered between smashing my possessions how a combination of the Bears’ choke-job and Ryan’s clutch play might contribute to the Bears’ potentially bleak playoff picture in the near future.)

Matt Ryan may be a rookie, but he plays like he’s been here before. His efforts are bolstered by a solid running game that will be facing a Cardinals defense that can’t stop the run and an offense that plays well at home, but can’t run the ball anywhere. Even the Cardinals fans aren’t convinced as they’re struggling to sellout the game. On the upside, we just might witness history in veteran QB Kurt Warner’s efforts. He might become the first QB to pass for 600+ yards in a losing effort, or he could set the playoff record for unforced fumbles and pitiful hangdog facial expressions to a plateau that may never be reached in the next three generations. Warner’s ceiling for greatness in a moral victory and/or unintentional comedy is limitless.

Indianapolis Colts (PK) over SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
When I checked the sports betting line earlier, the Colts were favored by a point. Several hours later, the odds are now even. Perplexed, I checked out NFL.com and the NFL Network for injury updates. The only notable injury I found was that Chargers RB LaDainian Tomlinson was listed as questionable. Then I looked at the betting line again. It almost appeared as if the Chargers’ odds of winning had improved with the announcement of an injury downgrade to their franchise RB. How does that make sense? I found this as perplexing as the reasonably attractive young women who over-plucks or over-waxes their eyebrows to the point where their facial expressions always appear to be surprised.

Speaking of which, (NFL Wildcard Weekend Picks continues here)

Week 13 NFL Picks

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! No filler today! I’m skipping the appetizers and rushing right in to rip off a turkey leg before Andy Reid can throw an ill-advised challenge flag or battle Mike Holmgren to the death for the right to mismanage a two-minute egg-timer while blaming their players for scorching the gravy.

Let’s get right to the meat.

Thursday, Nov 27, 2008

Tennessee Titans (10-1) -11.5 over DETROIT LIONS (0-11)

Week 11 NFL Procrastinated Picks

I was supposed to get these picks to Caitlin before Thursday night’s game. Well, I don’t actually have a deadline, but I do have my own personal code of conduct and, well frankly, I’ve failed myself this week.

But I have good excuses reasons! My work-hours fluctuated wildly. I had numerous events and not nearly enough time. My wife’s birthday was this week. My dog ate my homework.

Ok, so I don’t own a dog.

Fortunately, I came up with a new idea to deal with the game that just wrapped up. I’ll post my pick for tonight’s game anyway, along with a brief sentence on why I was proven right or wrong. In fact, the one-sentence theme got so good to me that I tried keeping the format for the entire column, with varying degrees of success/failure.

I went with the observant statement. I borrowed from classics and Eastern philosophy. I even waxed poetically, weaving metaphors together like some kind of… hell… I dunno… metaphor-weaver.

Shut-up! What do you want from me? I’m tired!

On to the picks (home-team in CAPS)

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -3.5 over New York Jets
…and mighty Brett Favre gazed upon his all-time interception record of 300 and wept, for he had no more worlds to conquer.

Why I was wrong about this pick: The fact that Matt Cassel cannot hit Randy Moss on a go-route, combined with a bruising, physical cornerback who isn’t afraid to jam him, reduced Moss to a sulking, crappy Napoleon Dynamite impersonation for most of the night.

(My Week 11 NFL Picks continue here)

Week 8 NFL Picks

The Chicago Bears are on a bye this week, which means it’s now safe for me to exhale, dim the lights, pour a tumbler of bourbon, put my Jill Scott CD on repeat, and crank out another dose of smooth, smooth picks. Aww-yeah… I can just feel the tension oozing down my spine… recession, stock-market plummet-be-damned!

I’m ready baby. I’m ready to pick against the spread like I’ve never picked before, so spread ‘em.

As always, the home teams are in CAPS.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers +3.5 over DALLAS COWBOYS
The Bucs are rolling with a still pissed-off Jeff Garcia at QB. Last week the Cowboys had their heads handed to them by the lowly Rams. All the attention is on Tony Romo’s broken pinky, but it’s not like Romo can play defense for the Cowboys. I feel the most sorry for Jessica Simpson, who will not only be unfairly blamed for the Dallas downfall, but will also be without the services of Romo’s “business” hand for a few more weeks.

Washington Redskins -7.5 over DETROIT LIONS
I almost talked myself into taking the Lions and the points. Yes I really am that stupid.

Buffalo Bills -1.5 over MIAMI DOLPHINS
The Baltimore Ravens provided the blueprint for shutting down the Dolphin’s “wildcat” formation last week. I’d wager my imaginary fortune that the Bills front-seven was paying close attention.

St. Louis Rams +7.5 over NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
St. Louis is 2-0 since replacing their head coach with their defensive coordinator, including a convincing old-fashioned ass-whipping of the Cowboys. It’s too early to call this move a success, but I’ll still take the St. Louis fixer-upper over the Pats game-managing QB and Ol’ Yella defense.
(article continues here)