I’m so excited! It’s like Christmas morning as a child just before realizing that my parents were being ironic when they told me to make a wish list. Oh sure, the potential for disappointment looms like an unblocked linebacker making a beeline towards my quarterback, but what’s the worst that can happen, right?
On that note, on to the analysis. Links to draft profiles provided by NFL.com.
Round 1, Pick 14 (14) Chris Williams OT 6′6″ 315 Vanderbilt
Pick Analysis: I leaped for joy when I saw this pick. I literally jumped in the air and pumped my fist like in those old Toyota commercials from the 80’s. Williams’ youth, size, and tenacity will bolster an aging offensive line that seemed more inclined to run-block their way to the buffet table on a senior-citizen cruise than create running lanes for the Inexplicably Unlikable Cedric Benson. Williams only gave up two sacks during the past two years. He will be anchoring an offensive line that couldn’t stop defenders unless they were carrying Krispy Kreme. The O-line gave up a combined 42 sacks last year. I hoped that O-linemen would continue to be the Bears focal point.
Grade: A+
Round 2, Pick 13 (44) Matt Forte RB 6′2″ 222 Tulane
Pick Analysis: I was really hoping that the Bears would continue to draft O-linemen to replace the existing bloated Orca carcasses, but reading Forte’s profile sold me. Forte is high-skill, high effort, positive attitude, and exceptional character. In other words, he is the perfect compliment and competition at running back for the Inexplicably Unlikable Cedric Benson. I can’t wait for this drama to unfold as mini-camp begins:
Matt: Hi Mr. Benson. I’m Matt. I can’t wait to get out there and contribute to our team. If you have any pointers for me, please let me know. I’m ready to learn and work hard.
Cedric: Fuck you.
Matt: Uhm… excuse me?
Cedric: You’re trying to take my job. You’re out to get me, just like everyone else on this so-called team. Just stay outta my way, rookie.
Grade: A
Round 3, Pick 7 (70) (From 49ers) Earl Bennett WR 6′0″ 209 Vanderbilt
Pick Analysis: Again, I was hoping that the emphasis remained on the earth-movers and heavy-lifters, but I can’t find fault with this choice.
Frankly, I’m relieved by this move. I was beginning to fear that the Bears thought they were all-set at wideout after losing its only deep threat, Bernard Berrian, and the clutch, but slightly ancient Mushin Muhammad. I worried that they were thinking, ”We signed slow, mediocre Marty Booker and Brandon Lloyd, who averages 27 yards per game over his career. We’re all fired up about 2012!”
Grade: B
Round 3, Pick 27 (90) (From Chargers) Marcus Harrison DT 6′3″ 310 Arkansas
Pick Analysis: What in the name of everything holy were they thinking? See, I knew they couldn’t stop themselves from tinkering with the defense! What happened to the focus on the O-line? The Bears are pretty deep at defensive tackle, not to mention young. Plus, Harrison has a history of injury. It’s like the Bears said, “On one hand we don’t need him, but on the other, we won’t be able to play him anyway since he’ll probably be hurt. So everyone wins!” I don’t understand this one at all.
Grade: D
Round 4, Pick 21 (120) (From Buccaneers) Craig Steltz S 6′1″ 210 LSU
Pick Analysis: Great… another defensive pick. Look, I’m a huge fan of defense, but this is getting ridiculous. A safety? Really?
But on the other hand, images of current safety Adam Archuletta missing assignments, missing reads, missing tackles, and playing the 2007 season with the facial expression of a four year old separated from his mother in a busy shopping mall compel me to soften my stance a bit. Plus, Steltz sounds like another one of those rarities where talent and character are in harmony.
What? A guy with mad-skills who is not likely to spend his offseason “making it rain” dollar bills in a strip club? Let’s snatch him up!
Grade: B-
Round 5, Pick 7 (142) (From Panthers) Zackary Bowman CB 6′1″ 197 Nebraska
Pick Analysis: Ugh! Another wounded defender! Coach Lovie Smith must collect these guys like abandoned kittens! I know we need to backup our talented, but injury-prone secondary, but why are we backing it with talented, but injury-prone corners? And what about the O-Line? Look, unless the draft prospect shoots lasers from his eyes, we should be looking for nothing but centers, guards, and tackles.
Grade: D
Round 5, Pick 23 (158) (From Seahawks through Jaguars and Buccaneers) Kellen Davis TE 6′7″ 262 Michigan State
Pick Analysis: Why are we drafting a tight-end when we’re already deep at that position? Are the execs in the board room just throwing darts at a draft board while blindfolded?
So what if he’s gifted and can play both offensively as a TE and defensively as a… oooooohh, that’s it. This guy can play tight-end on offense and defensive end on defense.
Lovie, you sly dog. This is a sneaky way to bolster your defense by making an “offensive” pick. Impressive. Who couldn’t use a guy as versatile as this? It’s like finding out that your new girlfriend excels at both cooking and anal sex. Kinda hard to find a downside once you think of it that way.
Grade: B+
Round 7, Pick 1 (208) (From Dolphins) Ervin Baldwin DE 6′2″ 270 Michigan State
Pick Analysis: Great. Another undersized, quick, aggressive DE to add to our veritable army of undersized, quick, aggressive DE’s. I don’t think Lovie is tooling up to win a Superbowl as much as he is gearing up for a bank robbery or massing his own bionic brigade to annex Gary, Indiana.
How many DE’s is too many DE’s? No such thing apparently. I sure hope this guy can block and throw passes too.
Grade: C-
Round 7, Pick 15 (222) Chester Adams OG 6′4″ 335 Georgia
Pick Analysis: Wow. And it only took another seven picks to select another O-lineman. Good thing we didn’t save this “minor need” for last. I don’t have anything else to say. Obviously he’ll make the team since the existing guards are entering the “Ol’ Yella” stage of their careers.
Grade: A for addressing the need. F for waiting so damned long!
The Bears have three more picks left, but I’ll do them, rapid-fire style:
Round 7, Pick 36 (243) (Compensatory selection) Joey LaRocque OLB 6′2″ 226 Oregon State
Pick Analysis:Too slow to make a difference at LB. Too small to make a difference at DE. Hope he has a big heart and strong motor. Otherwise, he’ll probably end up in the Arena League or your local Wendy’s
Round 7, Pick 40 (247) (Compensatory selection) Kirk Barton OT 6′5″ 310 Ohio State
Pick Analysis:Makes up for lack of speed and strength by being a dick. In other words, he’s perfect for any O-line, especially one as needy as the Bears.
Round 7, Pick 41 (248) (Compensatory selection) Marcus Monk WR 6′4″ 222 Arkansas
Pick Analysis:Big, physical receiver, kinda like Terrell Owens if Owens were remotely likable or possessed a soul. But size ain’t everything. We still need to see him play.
Collective Compensatory Grade: C (I see two of the last three possibly making the squad. We’ll see.)
OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: B
I would have liked to have seen more offensive linemen drafted, but we got three decent prospects, plus tremendous potential at several skill positions.
This year could be interesting.
Posted by Barry Dawson IV 