As I try to write this entry, football highlights are blaring on the NFL Network, and I’m more concerned about how my newly-crowned NFC North Champion Chicago Bears are supposed to make a Superbowl run with Rex Grossman craping the football every chance he gets. We have one of the most dominant, ball-hawking defenses in the league, a special teams unit that’s the class of the league, and one of the best two-man running back tandems alive, yet we have this unstable element at the most important position on the team, and he’s single-handedly keeping the other team in the game with his erratic play.
You never know which Rex Grossman will show up at a given game. One week he looks phenomenal and I want to canonize him in Canton, Ohio. But the very next week, he craps his huggies and performs like a brain-damaged monkey, and then I’m treated to polite but terse press conferences from Coach Lovie Smith repeatedly endorsing Rex, only Lovie’s facial expression is that of a man about to tie his unruly kitten in a burlap sack and toss him into the nearest river. Rex is too freakin unstable, like a walking, talking, interception-throwing brand of chemical X. In fact, that’s what I’m gonna start calling him. X Grossman. Or should I call him Grossman X?
As unpredictable as X-man is, I’m glad that Coach Lovie is sticking with him. I don’t want to see him benched. I just want X-man to get back to being slightly better than average. Hell, at this point, I’d even settle for not quite awful, or better than a sharp stick in the urethra. I don’t think that replacing him with his backup, Brian Griese is the answer (Has anyone actually seen Brian Griese play? Sure his numbers are impressive, but the only highlights I ever see him in involve him walking off the field, holding his head in his hands, with his coach shaking his head and making that Geico Caveman, “You stupid bastard” face. No thanks.)
Coach Lovie shouldn’t replace him, but he should definitely take the car keys away on the deep threats and force Rex to look for more short to intermediate passes. That kid’s like the Mad Bomber out there, heaving the ball 40-60 yards like he’s still on the Florida Gators. Rex! YOU’RE NOT IN COLLEGE ANYMORE! Use your running backs and tight end, and quit fucking-up our Superbowl hopes with your glory-seeking heave-hos, you cocky little jackass! And don’t think I won’t drive 2,000 miles to punch you in the face or knee you in the balls!
Uhm… sorry… I got carried away. Let me get back to what I really wanted to say in this entry. I enjoyed watching football today with the wife and the kids, and I’m pleased that my Chicago Bears are the first team to clench their division this season. Now, I’m off to finish watching my highlights.
Posted by Barry Dawson IV 